One change at a time
by Izumi1909
Summary: [Transman!Emil medieval fantasy AU; trigger warning for trans readers] A few years ago, Emil faked his death to run off with Lalli and live as a man. A few years later, they are guarding a farm serving as a refuge for some of those that the society of Emil's native land has no place for. Fate chooses this time have them cross paths with people from their respective former lives.
1. Time to adjust

**Note:** This is a sequel to the "Step It Out Mary" chapter from Ness Frost's **SSSSynesthesia Project** , that also has three sequels published only on Archive of Our Own ("Friends of a friend" and "Stranger in a strange land" by Aliax, "Good Girls" by Lazy8 (same human being as Ness Frost)), so here's a quick "previously on" to avoid a very complicated catching up:

In that medieval fantasy universe, Emil is a trans man born the daughter of a noble family. He faked his death to run off with his lover Lalli, and took advantage of the necessary identity change to start living as a man. Mikkel knows of his real fate due to having helped with it. Sigrun is a friend of Mikkel's who was asked to get the two lovers to her home compound and train Emil for combat. Sigrun's compound is mentioned to also house plenty of young women abandoned by lovers they had once ran off with that Sigrun has encountered in previous travels. Reynir was mentioned to be Emil's servant in the first one-shot, but disappeared from the story quite quickly.

 **Warning:** As mentioned above, this a sequel to "Step It Out Mary" in both plot and spirit. Due to the plot of that particular chapter, there will be extensive use of Emil's birth name, and both mention and appearance of people who still consider him female. There is also a few moments of dodging the question of his transidentity to make things easier on someone who just found out he faked his death. I've also been told that there are general big and small mistakes induced by my limited knowledge of the subject, so please don't judge things too harshly.

 **Time to adjust**

-You heard me. She's dead and had made no mention of you. Now the two of you leave right now and take that baby with you!  
The old man's words were still resonating in Emil's mind as he was watching Lalli giving little Janine milk, while sitting on the bed of their hired room. Sigrun could only bring so many of her charges back to her home compound. So, she had found an abandoned large farm, gotten it restored and converted into an easier to reach refuge for them. Then that had started to get full, and the neighbors were reluctant to part with the land that would enable them to expand it. Emil had gotten the notion of visiting the families of some of those girls, in hope that at least one of them missed their daughter and actually wanted her back. If he could find just one such family, it would be one more person that the farm would be able to take in, and one step towards changing how Plains people as a whole dealt with such situations. Sometimes, there had been both a daughter and a grandchild to welcome. And sometimes, unfortunately, just the grandchild. Emil hadn't believed their luck when after almost running out of relatives, one of Janine's aunts had accepted to take her in. But in the time it had taken to go back to the farm, pick up Janine and bring her to her new home, the aunt had died. There were no more family members they could turn to. They were going to have to bring Janine back to a farm that was a handful of men abandoning the woman to whom they had promised the world away from getting overcrowded. The conclusion to which Emil came was obvious:  
-Sigrun is going to need a third location soon if she wants to continue that operation of hers. We should go tell her ourselves right after we bring Janine back to the farm.  
-Dalsnes is closer. We take her with us, we tell everyone why we still have her. We tell them about Helena. They will listen better and the people at the farm won't have to take care of her for more time this way.  
For someone who didn't like being around people much, Lalli could have surprisingly good ideas on how to get them to listen. There was just one little detail that was worrying Emil:  
-It's been _more_ than nine months since we last went there. We never got to introduce Helena to them. Everyone is going to get ideas.  
-It has been less than a year. She's five months old. And has brown hair.  
Brown hair was one the things that was impossible for their hypothetical offspring, as both of theirs was a variant of blond. In practice, the main thing that their hypothetical offspring could not do was exist. Getting reminded of what body he was born with once a month was more than enough, as was still needing to bathe with the women back at the farm. Emil sighed:  
-It will only temporarily solve the problem. And I'm not sure anyone will be able to take her.  
There was no such thing as "older children" in the farm yet, and the next age bracket up covered the youngest girls, including the junior among the mothers. Because of this, Helena's death had been all it had taken for the farm to have one too many orphans compared to the number of women willing to take orphans in as their own. Helena had genuinely been what Emil was far too often mistaken for: a woman who just happened to like a few things that were usually reserved for men as far as most people in the Plains were concerned. The farm took all the guards it could get, but most of the girls who came to live in it had been taught that fighting was for men only and weren't surrounded by proofs of the contrary like the ones brought to Dalsnes were. In addition to this, far too many men applying to guard a place full of girls of marriageable age assumed that food, board and clothing were not intended to be the only benefits of the job. There had been some who understood what was expected of them perfectly well, but only just enough to keep the threats to the farm, both human and troll, at bay. Helena had been more interested in being a guard than in actually running the farm. Her training hadn't prevented her from delivering a healthy baby girl. Unfortunately, another ward's former lover had decided to that the mere fact that she was still alive was a threat to him. He'd gone out of his way to find the farm and sneak into it. Helena had managed to drive him away, but not without a fight that had left her badly injured. She'd died just a few hours later, after personally asking two of her fellow guards and good friends to bring her daughter to her family.

Thoughts that surprised Emil himself started shaping in his mind. Just a few years ago, anyone suggesting this would have gotten a dagger pointed at them, because he knew they wouldn't have brought up the subject during a conversation with a "real" man. But things worked differently at the farm than in most places in the Plains. Many of the guards turned out to be the type of man who, once they no longer felt that someone who would disapprove was looking over their shoulder, actually enjoyed caring for babies and spending time with young children on their time off. The farm sometimes felt like it was just as much a refuge for them as it was for its wards. Given the choice, this had turned out to be the kind of man Emil wanted to be as well. Helena had moved into the farm quite early into her pregnancy and Emil had had plenty of time to befriend her before Janine was born, in addition to one of the few able to give her fighting advice. Because of this, he'd always had a soft spot for Janine over any other children at the farm. Yes, he was definitely considering it now. He was going to need to discuss this with Lalli over dinner. He couldn't make that decision alone, after all. So… how was he going to breach the subject? Lalli spoke, startling him on two different levels:  
-We could take care of her. Not just until we go back to the farm. Until she's grown.

Fortunately, Sigrun had good news for them:  
-Don't worry, I was starting to figure out you were running out of space down there and that having most of them taken back by their families was a long shot. I've been laying things out for another refuge. Actually, one of the healers visiting us right now is available to work there until we find someone more permanent. He and his apprentice are staying here until they can leave with a larger group headed for the same area. I was actually about to send someone down to the farm to see if any of its older wards would be willing to move there to help out the new ones we are inevitably going to take in. Now that you're here, I can just have you ask them when you go back there. I'd offer you to go guard the new place, but I'm afraid it's a little too close to a certain somewhere.  
Emil knew what she meant. In another life, his uncle's castle had been about a few weeks' worth of travel away from Dalsnes. But everyone there thought he was dead, and for all intents and purposes, the girl they had all known was no more. Sigrun pointed at Janine:  
-You can have her sleep in the nursery if you want. Or would you prefer a crib to be taken to your room?  
Emil and Lalli had said "crib" at the same time. Sigrun smiled:  
-If someone had told me I would get an extra honorary niece by the two of you a few years ago… on the other hand, I shouldn't be surprised that you ended up taking one of the farm's orphans in. You three probably need to rest now, and I have other things to attend to. I'm expecting to see you at dinner tonight.

Janine had fallen asleep with her head on Emil's shoulder as soon as they had left Sigrun to her own devices. She had given them their usual room in the guest quarters, and told that the new healer and his apprentice were in the room next to theirs. It was good that she warned them, because his binder was starting to feel quite uncomfortable and he could use a few hours without it, as well as his armor. After a long day, he sometimes literally took them off the second he was sure nobody else that didn't already know was around. The reason his hands were too busy to do so anyway made him realize something:  
-How are we going to explain her about me when she's older?  
-We tell her it's not a bad thing, but some people think it's weird, and that weird and bad are the same thing.  
His family members insisting he was confused and would "grow out of it", if it was acknowledged at all. That had had been among the reasons it had taken running off with Lalli to be able to live as his true self. Because of this, he had been both extremely grateful for and extremely baffled by the fact that Lalli had both understood and accepted it despite the fact that they didn't share any language at the time. But he wasn't sure what Lalli was suggesting would work on a child. On the other hand, the only way of doing things he actually knew to not work was the way his own family had dealt with it. For everything else, all they could do is observe other parents or try it themselves.

They reached the door to their room and Lalli was about to open it when the one leading to the next room let someone out. Him? Emil really dreaded Sigrun's hobby of trying to surprise people at times. It could be only reason she hadn't bothered to mention the visiting healer's name:  
-You are looking well. May I inquire as to what you have in your arms?  
Unexpectedly running into the one person besides Lalli to have been part of both his lives, that person being a natural teaser and having the encounter happen with a newly adopted baby daughter in his arms was one of the worst combinations of factors he could think of. As Emil was trying to shape an answer that wouldn't leave Mikkel too many openings in his mind, he noticed another person through the small space between Mikkel's arm and his room's doorway. He only had time to notice a relatively high stature and a tuft of infrequently-encountered red hair before the new person elevated his standards on the worst combination of things that could happen simultaneously:  
-Lady Mary?  
Fortunately, the door to their room had been left wide open by Lalli and Mikkel was able to drag Reynir in there without much difficulty right after Emil dashed in.

He really needed to take his binder and armor off, and it was probably best to talk to Reynir with as much of his old appearance as he could manage in such short time. Reynir had been sitting in a chair completely dazed last time he had checked, and this was why he was taking time to make himself a little more comfortable and presentable in the first place. Emil came out from behind the room's screen and sat in a chair facing Reynir, who still seemed unresponsive. He decided to glare at Mikkel, who, as usual, stated the obvious:  
-I only took him in recently and the two of you no longer live here. I did not expect your presence.  
-Fair enough, we didn't give her much warning.  
-You… knew?  
Emil was startled by Reynir's voice yet again. At least, he wasn't in a daze anymore. Reynir's eyes, after briefly giving Mikkel a perplexed look, directed that same look to Emil:  
-Why?  
-It was this or dying for real.  
He realized too late that his reflexive answer, while true to some level, had probably been beyond Reynir's comprehension of the situation. His guess was that as far as Reynir understood things, Mary Västerström had just turned out to have faked her death and was now wearing shorter hair along with more masculine clothes. He didn't realize that she had never really existed, and that Emil was the one who had come close to dying from suffocation. Reynir now looked worried rather than baffled:  
-Did someone threaten to kill you if you didn't do it? Who was it? What did they want?  
Emil briefly wondered where he got that idea, but quickly realized that this was a logical conclusion from taking his answer literally.  
-Don't worry, it was nothing like that. Doing this was my own decision.  
-I don't get it. You just said that you would have died if you hadn't done it.  
Fortunately, Lalli, who had so far elected to stay out of the discussion to tend to Janine, slid next to him and whispered into his ear:  
-The fungus story.  
These words reminded Emil that he actually had already come up with an explanation for eventual people recognizing him from before, but had completely forgotten about it the second he had heard Reynir's voice. He now knew what Sigrun meant when she said that elaborate plans for hypothetical situations are good to have right until the moment the situation in question actually shows up. Emil cleared his throat before continuing:  
-A fungus that grows everywhere around both my parents' and uncle's castle was making me sick. People that can be made sick by it are quite rare. I knew something was wrong, but people didn't believe me and were persuaded I was imagining things. Lalli over here recognized the symptoms and told me it was slowly killing me and would continue to do so unless I left for a place that didn't have it. I thought it would happen when I would get married anyway, but the husband my parents had chosen for me lived somewhere where the stuff's toxins are more potent to those in my situation and would have killed me faster than those back at my uncle's place. So I ran away. Letting everyone think I had died was the only solution I saw to keep people from looking for me. Lalli knew how dangerous it was out there for a young lady used to living in castles, so he stayed by my side. I guess it's no use hiding from you that we have grown quite close since then. Mikkel helped with my escape and sent a friend of his to take us somewhere safe. I believe you've already met Sigrun.  
Emil had been initially reluctant to use a disease as an explanation, but found something that suited him when some healer whose name he didn't remember had informed him that plenty of diseases were actually reactions to circumstances over which the person had no control. This had sounded very close to home, on several levels, at the time he had heard it. After that, the "disease" being something only he noticed while it was dismissed by everyone else safe for Lalli and Mikkel had come as a natural extension to the tale. Reynir stayed silent for a few moments, then looked a Lalli:  
-Thank you very much for saving my Lady, sir.  
After a few extra moments, Reynir seemed to realize that there was crib in the room, got up from the chair, wobbled to where it was, looked at Janine, then at both Emil and Lalli with an inquisitive look. Emil explained the situation for both Mikkel and Reynir's benefit. Reynir raised an eyebrow:  
-You don't have one of your own yet?  
Far too many people still asked that question, due to the fact that Mary would have been expected to already be a mother at his age. He had an answer to that question, that had proved to be double-edged. On one hand, it gave some people the wrong idea about the reason why he was living as a man. On the other, it consistently prevented people from asking a second time. Delicately wrapping his arms around his belly in a gesture that looked instinctive to most, and stating that the toxins from the fungus had already done some permanent damage usually did the trick.  
-Sorry. I… need to go back to the room and think a little.  
Reynir wobbled out of the room. Emil saw Mikkel start slowly clapping:  
-Impressive. I know this is not easy for you.  
-As much as I would like to catch up with you and get any news from home you have, we really need to rest and I think the time during which we will be doing so will be best used on keeping Reynir from being completely clueless at dinner. We can't have him use my old name. At least get him to call me "Emily".  
Over the years, his situation had become one of those conversation subjects that were completely open within the confines of Dalsnes and the farm, but were on a need-to-know basis outside of these places. Some had figured out or outright knew he had only started living as man upon his arrival in Dalsnes and had countered his refusal to disclose the name given to him by his parents by nicknaming his former self "Emily". There were also people who only understood him as a woman dressing as man, or understood his situation, but were persuaded he was confusing it with simply being in Helena's situation due to the much higher gender role segregation in the Plains. Such people hadn't found anything better to call him than "Emily" either. Because of this, he had taken to save the name as a stepping stone for eventual people who would treat him as female simply because it was what they had done when they knew him before. Mikkel interrupted his thoughts:  
-He may actually be readier to hear it than others. Five people have already mistaken him for a woman from behind. If I understand your situation correctly, one aspect of it is that being addressed as woman feels wrong to you.  
-Good to know. But unless you tell me he's completely okay with same-sex couples as well, it may be a good idea to wait a little.  
-We did come across a couple of women who were very obviously together a few weeks ago. I didn't notice any particular reaction one way or another when I explained their relationship to him.

As Mikkel was catching up with Sigrun at a higher table, Reynir, sitting at a lower table, had found the perfect topic to discuss with "Emily". The subject made sense whether they had met just a few hours ago or grown up in the same castle: which women from the farm were likely to move to the refuge in which he and Mikkel were going to work for some time:  
-And then there's Vivian, I think her son just turned three. Last time I checked, she was getting tired of basically being second in command among the wards. Though I would be sad to see her leave, she's one of the few that seems completely okay with… never mind.  
That "never mind" thing again. It was the third time.  
-Is there something you're not telling me?  
Mary ruffled her hair:  
-Looks like I'm as lousy at hiding it as I felt I was being.  
She sighed:  
-Yes, there is something I'm not telling you. But it will be as difficult to swallow as the fact that I'm still alive and I'm assuming you'll need time to adjust to _that_. Mikkel seemed to think you would be able to handle it, though.  
Reynir saw her point, but didn't like the idea of something still being hidden from him:  
-How about I sleep on it and answer you tomorrow?  
-That will do.  
A couple came up to Emil and Lalli's side of the table. The man came to sit in the empty space next to Lalli, while the woman sat on Mary's side:  
-Hey, funny story. We just dropped Per at the nursery and there was a new kid there. I asked Randi who it was, and she told me it was yours.  
Mary didn't seem particularly happy to see the woman:  
-She's adopted. You know where we work, right?  
-Still, I thought that caring for children was a woman thing in the lowlands.  
-We are _both_ taking care of her. As the two of you are with your son.  
-So, considering no longer insisting upon being addressed as man yet, Emily? You realize you are putting Lalli, Sigrun and anyone who wants to get along with you in a delicate position, right? Not to mention those that are _actually_ in the situation in which you _believe_ to be.  
-I know in which situation I am, thank you very much. Are you here for any other reason than dancing my daughter around as a support to your world view, Astrid?  
-The usual invitations, so you don't completely cut yourself from the female community here and don't find yourself without any friends once you get tired of pretending you'd rather hang out with the men.  
Reynir didn't quite get what they were talking about, but Astrid's last words brought back memories of playing with a much younger Mary who had dressed in tattered boy's clothes to avoid getting her fine dresses dirty. It hadn't lasted long before her parents had found out. Mary replied with an amused smirk on her face:  
-You know, I may be interested in that invitation. When my daughter gets too old for the nursery.  
Astrid got a victorious look on her face, got up on her feet and put just enough distance between herself and Mary to be able to point at her:  
-Aha! I knew you weren't actually a missed man! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! If you were the real deal, you'd be considering the possibility for you daughter and not make her hang around with the women at such a young age.  
Mary actually looked at Astrid for the first time in the entire conversation:  
-Wasn't one of your arguments _against_ me being the real deal the fact that it's extremely rare? I never said that I wouldn't watch for the telltale signs. But I do want my daughter to know about all possible environments available to her and be able to tell me which one suits her better.  
Before Astrid could answer, Lalli had stopped eating and started pulling on Mary's sleeve. Mary jerked her head in his direction and stood up along with him, supporting his arm. Astrid grabbed Mary's shoulder:  
-As usual, that husband of yours needs to leave the room when you're losing an argument. Leif, you had just one job, and it was keeping Lalli busy.  
The man that was sitting next to Lalli was supporting his other arm:  
-Only on the off-chance that he was pretending. He is not. Let go of Emil, Astrid.  
Astrid sighed, and let go of Mary. Reynir asked if the needed any help, only to be told they would be fine on their own and to bring their daughter to their room once he was done eating. Once they were gone, Astrid and Leif sat down where Lalli and Emil had been and started eating. Reynir couldn't help asking Astrid what her argument with "Emily" had been about.  
-I know who you are, you're with that healer Sigrun is chatting with. Lowlander, I assume?  
He nodded.  
-So let's do basics, in that case. Do you know what a missed man is?

The little girl had somehow managed to get hold of his braid, and was now happily playing with it.  
-You like it, uh?  
What Astrid had told him had given him a lot to think about, both about Mary and himself. Without really noticing it, he was progressing toward Mary and Lalli's room as slowly as he could without actually standing still, just to stretch the time he would have to think about it before talking to her. Or rather "him" given the situation. He thought he would be able to change how he addressed her, but it was going to take time for it to come naturally, if ever. For every argument that Astrid had had to support her belief that "Emily" had gotten being a "missed man" and a woman liking masculine activities confused, Reynir would have been able to deliver a counter-argument if he hadn't been supposed to pretend to have just met his former Lady a few hours ago. Facts that he hadn't noticed himself, he had heard being reported by others. He also finally made the connection with everyone suddenly starting to use the fact that he'd decided to let his hair grow out more than most men as an excuse to throw strange insults at him once Mary's mourning period had been over. He had also figured out that this was very likely to be the "never mind" that Mary hadn't wanted to spring onto him on top of the fact that she was still alive. If that was the case, he had to tell her that he had been informed of it. He realized that he was now in front of Mary's room. He knocked.  
-Come in.

Lalli was lying on the bed, sleeping soundly. Mary was sitting next to him, in clothing that confirmed his suspicion that she had showed up at dinner with her breasts flattened under her clothes.  
-What was happening earlier? Reynir asked.  
-He sometimes gets these really bad headaches. The only stuff that really works on them also completely knocks him out.  
One of the implications of what he had found out about from Astrid only hit Reynir at the moment. If Mary had been considering herself a man all this time, then… okay, now he definitely understood why she hadn't wanted to tell him everything at once. Mary came up to him and took the child out of his arms:  
-Thank you very much for bringing her. You look a little tired yourself. Dining hall a little loud for you?  
-I talked with Astrid. Found out a few things.  
Mary sat on the bed again, and sighed:  
-It's not really a secret for those that live here long enough, but I still would have liked to tell you myself. Whatever you decide to do about it, I'll understand. The only thing I completely forbid you from doing is telling people back home. I've met too many people who couldn't forgive their daughter for a single mistake that wasn't entirely her fault to be optimistic about how my family would take it if they knew.  
-I… think I'm mostly okay with it. It's just that… the idea of addressing you as man feels weird to me right now. And that you have a husband makes things even weirder.  
-Believe me, I was the first surprised that I liked him. Before I found out that men could be interested in men, it briefly made me wonder if I had figured out my situation correctly or not.  
Reynir only realized then that Astrid's arguments against Mary being a "missed man" had not included the fact that she was married to a man. He now knew what Mikkel had meant when he had told him that such unions where no different from those between men and women to some people. He really needed to go back to his room to think all of this over.  
-Good night, my…  
As much as he tried to do it, the word "Lord" just didn't come out of his mouth. Between hearing it from Leif and talking with Astrid, he had figured out that "Emil" was her actual new name. He would try again the next morning.

Reynir woke up to Mikkel packing their bags:  
-Good, I was about to wake you. The group with whom we are supposed to leave is heading out early. They are leaving an hour after breakfast starts getting served.  
He saw neither Mary nor Lalli in the dining hall, but ran into Astrid and her husband, who promised to tell them that they had had to leave early. He was only able to explain the situation to properly to Mikkel once they had been on the road for a while. Mikkel's reaction surprised him:  
-Honestly, it may actually save a lot of trouble for both of you.  
-What?  
-Emil still gets extremely irritated each time he's addressed as woman, he just got better at hiding it over the years. But he also figured out that letting people start addressing him correctly in their own time once they find out goes a much longer way than simply getting mad at them each time they address him wrong. Because of this, finding out right before needing to part ways with him, but having a decent chance to see him again is one of the better things that could have happened: you have time to come to terms with it, all while not risking to rub him the wrong way in the meantime. Don't worry about seeing him again. If it weren't even worse with Sigrun, I would think that fate was insisting that I regularly cross paths with him and Lalli.

 **Note:** You're free to decide on whether Janine's mother is the same Helena as in **Broken Bridges** or not. At some point, I realized I was naming a combat-capable female who died before the beginning of the story, so of course the would-be assassin from one of my other fics came to mind.


	2. Woodlanders

**Note:** Many thanks to Aliax, who ended up helping a lot despite my uncanny talent for pushing his buttons. Ness Frost/Lazy8 published a story that implied this chapter's newcomers to be dead in this universe on Archive Of Our Own, so their mere presence can be considered part of my personal spin on the story.

 **Warning:** Mention of domestic abuse and pregnancy, including mention of miscarriages and of my idea of Emil's position on getting pregnant. I also mention cannibalism rumors concerning the mountain people that popped up in one of the other stories. I also prefer informing readers that I was in the middle of working on an earlier version of this when Tuuri died and that Aliax was no longer able to help when I got in the mood to pick it up again, so there may be mistakes and trans triggers I'm not aware of. I'm still hoping there are fewer mistakes than last time. Though since Emil faked his death, I consider that the story hae and Lalli usually tell people about their first meeting has Emil and his former female identity be different physical people. It's intended to hide the connection between Emil and "Mary Västerström", not any aspect of Emil's transidentity.

 **Woodlanders**

Once a decade, one of the settlements in their native area would be brutally lost to an overwhelming troll attack. People believed that any survivors of a settlement lost in such a way would attract the next major attack on any settlement that took them in. The attitude towards survivors hence ranged from as little help as one could get away with to outright murder attempts. The counter to this had been to teach children to survive on their own as early as possible, and a simple instruction on what to do if you happened to be away from your home when it fell to the trolls: assume everyone not already nearby is dead, run, and stop only when you can no longer understand what people around you are saying. Tuuri had been the only one at Onni's side at the time. A couple months ago, the home they had found themselves after having to flee their native land had undergone an unusually violent troll attack. The number of dead and badly wounded had been quite low all things considered, but a newcomer to the town had blamed it on their presence. So, they had continued travelling further in the direction opposite to where their native woodlands were, and this time were tempted to not stop until they were sure nobody around had even heard of their home land.

They eventually travelled far enough that Tuuri had to learn a new language all over again, and as usual, was managing it much faster than Onni ever could. They came across farmland that seemed to get little enough trolls to not require an actual war frontline, but enough that one could earn food, bedding, clothing and whatever else the place's owner could afford to grant by guarding farms both from them and human bandits. But while Tuuri had had to learn how to fight like all the other children, she thrived the most among books, and for that she needed to live in the kind of place that would be able to accommodate this. As they were wondering which farm would look like it would offer good shelter for the night, they noticed signs of a farm in the direction they were walking towards being under attack, and run towards it to help. This was part of the instructions, as well. Not only it gave Woodlanders a good name among people they ran into, but they also knew all too well that is was sometimes the only way to get decent treatment from their hosts. And any host that would still seem reluctant to take them in after they had helped defend their farm would be a definite red flag, and a sign the outside of the house may actually be safer than the inside. Onni, Tuuri and the various farm guards held up long enough that the trolls were starting to get killed faster than they were coming in, which usually meant that they had turned a corner in the battle. But just as they were both noticing this, one of the men nearby collapsed right when a troll seemed to choose him as an opponent, and nobody was nearby enough to do something. So Onni intoned a whistle that was known to attract the attention of trolls, and was risky to use unless one had a battle partner ready to take care of the troll the second it started moving in the right direction. But his own whistle wasn't the only one that was been emitted, he could see it didn't come from Tuuri, and it had been far too similar to his own to not be from a fellow Woodlander. The troll chose to go towards Onni nonetheless, and Tuuri managed to kill it. But after this happened, it became really, really hard to convince his mind that looking for the other whistler could wait until after all the trolls he had attracted were dead, and the split attention eventually put him in a situation that forced him to block a blow going for his neck with his right arm, getting knocked over in the process. By that time, it was possible to spare people to get the wounded somewhere safe while those still able to fight were taking care of the last of the trolls and making sure that those already on the ground were dead.

Onni was bought into what seemed to be a male-only bathing room. He was stripped and washed. Someone came to stich his arm. People were telling him various things in the local language, but he could catch only about one word out of five. That meant that when someone actually asked him a question, he couldn't answer. His own memory failed him when he tried to remember what he was supposed to say to tell them that Tuuri could translate for him. Someone then said something that included a word sounding a lot like "Lalli", and left the room. The word brought memories of home back. The tears came before he could think of holding them back, which only made the person who had been stitching his arm worry. The man who had left earlier came back with someone else in tow. Onni quickly noticed the silver hair, yet the stature that was both too tall and too thin to be Tuuri. That solved the mystery of the second whistler, at least. The tears in his eyes kept him from making out the man's features. He heard the word "Onni?" being pronounced just as he dried his eyes. Onni looked up. It was impossible. He was supposed to be dead. Yet, both the face and the hairstyle were right. This was all he was able to register before the tears came back. The fact that Lalli had been called to translate took over. The questions were fairly easy to handle and once they were finished, Onni was put in a fresh set of clothes, then led out of the bathing room into a hallway. Just as he wondered why Lalli wasn't coming with him, Onni realized Lalli had been in gore-covered clothes all along and that the other men were probably not going to let him back out of a room intended for clean-up looking like that.

The man who led Onni out took him out of the small hallway into what seemed to be a dining room and made him sit on a long bench, with his back leaning on the edge of a table that was just as long. He quickly realized that Tuuri was right next to him, talking with a still gore-covered blonde-haired guard. The guard in question, who was a little taller than Tuuri, noticed Onni joining them before Tuuri did. He – Onni had figured out this country didn't let its women fight – pointed his chin towards Onni and said something. Tuuri turned toward Onni, asked after his arm, showed him her own minor wounds that had been tended to, and seemed about to introduce the guard she'd been speaking with when a woman yelled something that prompted that guard to leave the bench with what Onni guessed to be a brief farewell and walk towards the hallway leading to the bathing room. Onni cut to the chase:  
-Lalli is here.  
-I know. He apparently came here with the man I was just talking with. _He_ told me that he met Lalli on a troll frontline. They got in trouble with the wrong people at some point, so they left, lived in the mountains for some time, then came here. All he ever got from Lalli on how he ended up on that frontline in the first place is that he just travelled there from home and that it was a very long trip. I didn't ask him what this place is yet, but there doesn't seem to be a central family who would be hiring the other people as hands and guards. Actually, is seems to be mostly mothers with a single child. Some of them seem to have fathers, but at least half are very obviously _not_ the child's _actual_ father.  
If Tuuri observations were correct, this place went against several of this country's unspoken rules. One of those rules was that "ran off with a soldier" applied to a yet-to-be-married daughter almost always was a euphemism for "she's probably dead by now". A couple of unfortunate encounters had proven that assumption right. Tuuri had also heard of, and told Onni about, mountain barbarians who captured women, enslaved them and made them produce baby after baby so they could eat the children. Pregnant young women nobody would miss sounded like the perfect targets for them. The potential danger had worried Onni enough that he had made Tuuri cut her hair, even though her travel clothes were already masculine by the country's standards. This was the first time they ran into something that looked like it could be a place where such young women were actually cared for. They still agreed they would stay for now, but watch this place closely. If it turned out to be into dangerous or illegal activities, they would leave and take Lalli with them.

A black-haired woman in her late twenties wearing a long ponytail, wrapped in an apron that belonged to a castle's maid rather than a farm worker, came to speak to Tuuri. She was holding a brow-haired little girl that looked about one year old in her arms. After a few words exchanged, she put the little girl on Tuuri's lap, said something in which Onni caught Lalli's name that made Tuuri widen her eyes, and left.  
-The woman's name in Cynthia. She's in charge of the farm. She told me the place is a home for unmarried mothers abandoned by their child's father.  
-This is good to know. Why did she give you this little girl?  
-According to Cynthia, there has been a few unfortunate cases of mothers dying and leaving their child behind. She said this little girl's mother died a few months ago. Lalli and his friend – his name is Emil apparently – took her in their care when it happened.  
This complicated their plans greatly. From what they knew, communities tended hold onto their children quite tightly. If this place turned out to be more than it claimed in a bad way and Lalli had grown attached to that little girl, it was going to be hard to take him away. Lalli used to get easily tricked by _children his own age_ when they were younger and… Onni suddenly fully realized that he was thinking all this because Lalli had turned out to _not_ be dead just a few minutes ago and was currently in the bathing room he had just left, more than a decade after he and Tuuri had mourned him. The tears came flowing out all over again.

As if on cue, Lalli came to sit on the free bench space next to Onni, on his haunches a usual, dressed in clean, but oversized clothes. The little girl wiggled herself out of Tuuri's arms, crawled across Onni's lap and wrestled herself in the little remaining space between Lalli's legs and the rest of his body. Lalli stroked the little girls' hair, then spoke:  
-Where were you?  
Onni and Tuuri took turns explaining, then asked about the part of his own story that had happened before he had met Emil. As Lalli reached the point where he arrived at the castle on the cliffs, Tuuri remembered that Emil had mentioned them having to leave because of "trouble with the wrong people" and asked for more details about that as well.  
-Ah, that. The castle healer took in wounded. I got badly hurt and ended up there. I became friends with the lord's niece, but I had to leave after I got better. I would visit her sometimes after that. But she ran away from the castle one evening. A troll got her. I knew people would blame me for it if I stayed, so I left and Emil came with me.  
From the little he knew of this country, Onni could tell that Lalli had done something he shouldn't have, without quite realizing it as usual. But part of it had really not been his fault, and in the end, he had quite possibly made his first friend ever, only to have her die. Tuuri was the first to react:  
-I'm sorry, Lalli.  
-You don't need to be. I have Emil and Janine now.  
This reminded Onni that still didn't trust this Emil to not have ulterior motives concerning Lalli.  
-I guess this is how the two of you ended up hiding in the mountains. How did you end up here?

Emil choose that time to come sit next to Lalli, now all cleaned up and in new clothes himself. Lalli placed his hand on the other man's shoulder:  
-Some people started bothering him for a stupid reason and our friend from the mountains was looking for people to guard this farm, so we said we would do it. Just so you know, I tried to teach him our language, but he doesn't understand much and can speak even less.  
Onni knew he had been right to be wary of this Emil guy:  
-You mean a mountain _barbarian_? You mean you two are involved with one of _them_?  
Onni realized a very possible dark secret for this place the second he finished his sentence. A trap masquerading as a refuge, that Lalli and that so-called friend of his were involved in. Enough residents for it to seem safe to people who didn't know better. His thoughts were interrupted by Emil stifling a laugh.

By the time dinner was served, both Onni and Tuuri had been convinced that most of what they had heard about the mountain alleged barbarians had been rumors caused by relatively limited contact between them and people from the plains, part of which was caused by the rumors themselves. However, Onni still considered it possible for Emil to be taking advantage of Lalli in some way. The fact that he turned out to be married to Lalli per mountain people traditions only made Onni's suspicions worse. While Lalli knew trolls, some wild animals and even some people were dangerous, it was still possible for him to be tricked. Over the course of the meal, Lalli explained that ever since the head wound for which he had been treated at the castle on the cliffs, he tended to have to stay in bed for a couple days after fights that lasted too long. Emil could care for him on his own, but Onni and Tuuri could help by watching their daughter during that time. Tuuri immediately accepted, but Onni only got more cautious. If Emil was going to watch Lalli for the next couple days, he was going to watch Emil.

Tuuri convinced Onni to at least sleep for the first night, pointing out that if Lalli did turn out to need their help, Onni should at least rest enough to let his arm recover at little before providing it. However, as they went upstairs to retire in their small guest room for the night with Janine, he and Tuuri saw two women, neither of whom were Cynthia, in the hallway. They seemed to be arguing with Emil through a closed door. Just a few moments after they noticed the scene, the two women noticed Onni and Tuuri's presence, darted towards them, and tried to tell them something in the local tongue. Tuuri translated for Onni:  
-Apparently, last time Emil watched Lalli while he had to stay in bed, he came out of it with a few scratches and a black eye. When they asked if it was from Lalli, he told them he didn't do it on purpose. Emil was just refusing to have one of them stay in the room for tonight. Onni, maybe…  
So someone else was suspecting that something wasn't quite right between Emil and Lalli. These two suspected _Lalli_ to be the one in the wrong and _Emil_ to be the victim, but that didn't mean they couldn't work out an arrangement. Fortunately, both of them quickly understood that that all three of them had interest in standing guard in front of the door and worked out shifts, the first of which was taken by Sofia, the one with darker hair.

Emil couldn't exactly blame Sofia and Kaja for being worried. He knew he would be if he were in their shoes, and because of this, understood their refusal to believe him when he said that Lalli didn't injure him on purpose. Both of them had been beaten by their child's father. Of the two, only Sofia had ever gotten to be a mother to her own child. Kaja was one of the reasons Emil had crossed a bad miscarriage out of the list of stories he could tell to people knew about his body, but seemed unlikely to take "I don't want to get pregnant" as an acceptable answer. Kaja was now raising one of the children which had been orphaned almost as soon as they had been born. She and Sofia had figured out how crazy it was to tolerate certain behaviors from men and had decided to make sure that, at least in this farm, the women weren't abused by the men in any way, especially if the two were actually courting or about to get married. When it came to him and Lalli, they had, of course, picked him to watch after. But he didn't want Lalli to risk hurting anyone else then him. All Emil could do was slip in the bed, snuggle next to him, keep his hand on his head, in a position from which he could both cover his closed eyes and stroke his hair, whatever felt right if he started having violent nightmares. For the next two nights and two days, it was going to be impossible to wake him up.

xxxx

The first night had fortunately been peaceful enough to let Emil actually get a little sleep. Sofia had been the one pushing the breakfast tray into the room in the morning and pulling it back out when he had finished eating, so Emil had had every reason to assume she was the one guarding the door when Lalli got a nightmare that couldn't be tamed, and would only go away if he let it happen. He could have definitely done without Onni turning out to be the one sitting right outside the door when Lalli started screaming. He was almost surprised to get a chance to step away from Lalli and show Onni that he wasn't hurting him. But that came with a problem of its own. When he let the nightmares happen due to not being able to tame them, he also had to make sure Lalli didn't hurt himself while fighting opponents that weren't actually there, like the time during which he was recovering from the original injury. The key word in the previous statement was _himself_. If some people thought Lalli was crazy for having married him, he was probably a little crazy also for brushing off involuntary injuries that looked bad enough to get Sofia and Kaja worried, about as often as Lalli had to help fighting off a large wave of trolls. Other people had tried various things to stop Lalli's nightmares before, but none had worked. Emil wasn't sure how he was supposed to explain all of this to Onni if Lalli hadn't considered it necessary to do so while he still could. Onni was currently trying to wake Lalli up, and judging by his expression, was running out of ideas and getting worried. The only idea Emil got was to gently come close to the bed and try stroking Lalli's hair again, on the off-chance it would work; doing that for the more violent nightmares had consistently been a lost cause. Emil let out a deep sigh of relief and a few tears when it did work, and decided that it was a rare enough occasion to drop a kiss on Lalli's forehead, completely ignoring Onni's wide-eyed stare. However, when someone in the room finally said something, the voice was female:  
-What just happened in here?  
Tuuri was in the doorway and he could guess part of Kaja's face, half-hidden by the doorframe.

xxxx

On the second day of Lalli's recovery, the other, more silent question that she and Onni had been asking themselves about Emil had turned out to have a positive answer. They found out that it was one of the many things that weren't supposed to exist in this country, which usually meant it was best to hide it and only tell people under certain conditions. Emil himself had had to leave his family to live as a man, and admitted to be a little scared to be found out each time he was neither in the farm nor in the mountains. Lalli hadn't been able to tell him much about how people in his situation were treated in their native woodlands. Their home settlement had fallen before Lalli had been told about this particular subject, but he somehow still had a memory of one of their neighbors who'd been in the exact opposite situation from Emil and had told him about her. Because of that, Tuuri and Emil had spent at least two hours on the topic while on the look-out for Lalli getting nightmares. Onni was currently watching Janine in another room. Tuuri found out the mountain people were overall completely fine with situations like Emil's as well, which made her curious to know why he and Lalli had left the mountain compound to move back to the plains.  
-Ah, that. There was a group of people in the village who considered that Sigrun wasn't doing enough, by only helping the women she stumbled onto during her adventures. They wanted to try a different method, and I thought I could lend them my help. They didn't want it, and it could have stayed there. But one of them got the idea that I wasn't actually who I am and actually pretending as an easy way out of the downsides of living as a woman. She started looking for "proof" in many things I did, and using what I told her to defend myself against me. Other people tried to talk with her as well, but nothing they would tell her would work because she was just that convinced to be right. This place happened to be just about to open at the time, and had the advantage of letting us help women from the plains all while having us move away from the village.  
He petted Lalli's hair:  
-Convincing that woman has been about as hopeless as getting him rid of those nightmares.

A well-dressed auburn-haired young man, who somehow managed to be even shorter than Emil despite apparently being grown up, barged into the room:  
-Hey, Lalli, I really, really need… Ah, you're asleep. Emil, could you please wake him up?  
Emil sighed:  
-Hi Xander. No, not before tomorrow, at least. Can it wait until then?  
-No, because I had to beg Father to let me come here to get Lalli at all. He said that if I didn't come back with a translator, he was going to punish the two silver-haired children we caught stealing from the castle's stores without hearing their side of the story.  
Xander noticed Tuuri's presence:  
-Oh, hi. Hey, do you speak our language by any chance?

Onni and Tuuri went to the local castle, of which the lord was Xander's father. The children turned out to be Woodlanders indeed, and to have not realized they were not supposed to take the food. The older sister apologized, and offered to stay working in the castle if she and her little brother could get food and a place to sleep. Xander's father happened to have a couple of servants who were starting to get too old to do all their work. He also knew another lord who could use Tuuri's translation services. That other lord knew yet another lord who could use their help. Onni and Tuuri ended up spending weeks away from the farm in which Lalli was settled, then the weeks turned into months. Fate eventually brought them to the castle on the cliffs, where Lalli had been treated for his bad head wound. They thanked the local lord for having taken in Lalli among the wounded, and he used the fact that they had seen Lalli recently to ask them about rumors that his niece hadn't actually been killed by a troll, but run off with him. They were able to sincerely tell them that they had been told the story of his niece being eaten by a troll after running away as well. To thank them for their help with his own Woodlander-related issue, he let them spend the night in one of the guest rooms. Fortunately, this was currently looking like their last stop, so they decided to start trying to head back to the farm the next day. The lord's wife and three children all dropped by at various points of the evening, more out of curiosity of meeting a woodlander who could speak their language than anything else. Such a thing had happened in every single castle they had stayed in so far, so they were used to it. But each visit had given them a strange hunch, as if they were missing something that was right under their noses. They both figured it out about half and hour after the lord's only daughter, the last of their four visitors, left the room. They briefly considered it could be a set of coincidences, but the family resemblance was one too many. The stayed in a daze for the better part of the evening after they realized what, exactly Lalli and Emil had done. They also knew it was their secret to keep.


End file.
